English Conundrums
A long time ago I found the following poem, and I believe it is the best indicator that the English language needs to be reworked.
The first poem is a modern reincarnation of “The Chaos” (1922) by G. Nolst Trenite, a.k.a. “Charivarius” (1870-1946). The original (which you can read below this one) was a little more Shakespearean.
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer.Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
