The future of the English language.
Posted on Sunday the 27th of January, 2008 at 6:56 pm in Asides, LinguisticsThe following was sent to me by a friend, the original source is unknown, and google wasn’t much of a help.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.
In the first year, ’s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’with ‘v’.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
fin
It is especially funny to me because I have always supported the simplification of the English language, and I’m currently learning German.
I had to come visit after your posts on Luke’s blog, lol
Well that should please KDE users as they already adhere to that. lmao.
Reply to Starhawk LaughingsunThat, honestly, had me laughing out loud. Their unhealthy ‘k’ obsession has amused me since I first started with Linux.
Reply to AaronI vas kleaning my Googl reader and I kam to ur blog and zis post.
Reply to ND SisoevMy tearz ar stil droping and I kan not stop lafing.
Now dere is no vay I kan klean ze feeds.
I’l send al 150 blog auzors to say zanks to you.
kan u kome and help me stop lavin?
.? i kant wait to get home in kaman island to spread diz. i am kalling now to let klose friends know that we kan no start building our own vocabulary…
Reply to Tboy